Dont say its just a dream
by Reinxkay
Summary: Each night as she sleeps Koyosei meets with a strange entity in her dreams. Though it is both frightening and oddly comforting she is not aware of the motives of her ethereal visitor. Follow her as she searches to find his form in waking hours, and seeks to learn more about the mysterious being who haunts her sleep. KuramaxOC Mature for potential content in later chapters.
1. Ch1:I dream of thieves and 4tailed foxes

**A/N: Alright... so here I am finally posting this. It is a story I have been working on, writing and rewriting for many years, but never actually posted. It will be in first person POV as it seems to flow better with the content. It starts out a bit... clunky I think, but exposition and back story and all that XD**

 **Please let me know what you think!**

* * *

It had been one month since I started at Meioh Private academy when the dreams first began.

Every night -or nearly so- it always starts the same. The smell of the breeze coming in from my open window. The window I made very sure to close each night before laying down. And then a voice in the darkness. I remember the first time I heard it. I sat up, my eyes searching my room, before meeting with a pair of golden eyes looking in from my window, almost glowing in the light of the moon... And every night since, even on nights when the moon was covered.

At first I was frightened, and as my eyes slowly adjusted, and the creature came into view I was unsure whether I should be even more frightened, or relieved. In my window sat an almost white, many tailed fox, eyes locked onto my own. Even from that very first dream he knew my name, he greeted me with it. Our first conversation was nothing special. The fox called my name, and asked me if he could stay and chat. It seemed harmless enough, but I asked what drew him in. "Your energy... it is unique, I couldn't help but be curious about what creature could give off such a strange aura." He stated simple enough. And despite his appearance his voice was deep, and nearly shook me, and his words were calm and articulate.

On night two I asked him many Questions and his replies were vague, as if just enough to sate my curiosity. I sat up, and looked at him, my blankets tight around my slender form. "You know my name... but what is yours? I should know that at least if you plan to visit me anymore." He chuckled... I never thought a fox could make such a noise, but then I never thought they could speak either.

"You may call me Youko, for now at least." Vague... and simple... but it was enough.

"Alright... and how is it.. that you can talk? I have never heard of a talking fox before." Another laugh, his many tails swishing around him.

"You are only wondering that now? Though it is not really worth an explanation. Best to say it is because this is a dream, as it was last night, and as I am sure you are aware, dreams do not follow the logic of the waking world." It was almost annoying how well he side swept my questions, while still answering them truthfully. Though as the nights wore on I began to feel almost anxious to see if he would visit me again, and found myself rushing through my homework, my dinner, and even cutting out hobbies in order to get to sleep a bit earlier to see if he may appear.

Our conversations have grown more and more in depth each night since first we spoke. I have learned a bit about him... not a lot. I have learned that he is a fan of plants, and botany; a hobby we seem to share. And he says he has been around for many centuries, and enjoys puzzles, and things that test his wit, though so far he has not told me much else. And I feel as though there is something he wants to know about me, but he seems to be working towards it patiently. Really though, he could have asked me just about anything and I would answer honestly.

Two weeks had passed since first the fox entered my dreams, and it is almost sad to admit, but even though he is only a dream, he is the closest thing to a friend I have managed to find since moving to my new school. But to be completely honest I have never had many friends... and they never seem to last for long, and nor do my schools.

Since starting Junior high I have moved schools five times, and have moved houses half as many times. I know my mother is only trying to help. She is trying to protect me, but she doesn't seem to realize that moving doesn't help for long... and it is not doing my grades any favor.

I was a strange child... strange in the fact that I was weak, and often ill. I grew so sickly at age five that my mother, and doctors alike did not think I would recover. But my father refused to give up... but after his interference I only grew to be stranger.

Doctors said it was strange, but not unheard of. The details are fuzzy, but what I know for sure is that I made a full recovery, almost over night, and my hair went white. They said it was because of the physical stress I was under... but that is not how I remembered it, and after that I began to feel, and see things that I had never before noticed. But telling other kids about the ghost looking at us from the trees, along with having ghostly hair myself... it has never lead to anything but infamy at best. "Granny" "Freak" "Spooky girl"... of course the insults and nicknames grew more and more creative, and harsh, and so what could my mother do?

She tried to dye my hair, but it wouldn't hold. She tried to get me counseling, but they just wanted to put me on pills, and so instead of telling "creepy stories" to cope, I just decided not to talk unless I had to... which of course made me all the creepier. With this move we decided to try something else... and at least so far it seems to be working, though I hardly recognize myself in the mirror. My eyes are the same... still odd, at least for japan, but odd in a way that I love. They are bright, and green, even when shrouded by the dark, straight fringe of the wig I have worn each day to school.

Night sixteen started differently. My eyes opened before I heard a voice, and before the outside air hit me. My heart sank in my chest as my eyes searched the room, a familiar knot forming in my throat. The feeling of being stood up... I laughed quietly, breaking the silence in my dark empty room. It had been a tough day at school, and weirdly enough at the lowest point in the day I felt a strange uplifting, almost like excitement and for a moment during my lunch it almost felt like I could sense the fox, like he was there in the school with me, but it faded nearly as quick as it rose within me. Yet now, here I was being stood up by my own subconscious. The one outlet for speaking my thoughts gone, even from my dreams.

My pale, shaking hands lifted to my face as I took in a deep breath, wishing to leave the limbo I had entered. Not awake, but still in my room, alone with nothing but my thoughts, I was so lost in the negative mood that I almost did not feel the pressure pushing down at the foot of my bed.

"Koyosei? It seems I was a bit late this evening. Not often I see you with your eyes open first." I jumped as the voice reached my ears, my eyes lifting to the window which remained closed, and sinking to the corner of my bed. Two dark paws fading into silver fur, a pointed muzzle tilted as the fox sat at the floor, front feet on my blanket and a curious look in his golden eyes. "You seem off this evening." He stated, hopping to sit at the edge of the bed, tails dancing around him.

"I thought you weren't coming... I guess I was a bit disappointed." I said, tugging roughly on my blanket, trying to pull it free from beneath him, though it made little sense why. I didn't want paw prints on my bed, but it was only a dream, I nearly laughed at the realization. Though his features changed slightly, as if offended.

Rather than responding to my words he scoffed. "I am not welcome past your window sill? Or are you just not a fan of animals." My eyes widened. My cheeks burning.

"S-sorry. I... I didn't want you to leave prints. I have no pets... so it would be hard to explain..." I muttered, my eyes shifting away from the creature. Which drew a guttural laugh from him.

"You are strange, and amusing... How many times must I explain, this is a dream. Any evidence of my being here is in your mind alone." I nodded, though my gaze stayed on the shadows that danced over my floor as the clouds shifted outside the window.

"Youko... Why do you visit me?" I finally managed to ask, though my voice was low, my hands still shaking. Another scoff.

"Hm. Hard to say exactly. I had not intended to visit so often when first we met. I suppose you have me curious." He stated, a hint of contemplation in his voice.

"What are you curious of?" My voice came out harsher than intended, perhaps I was still feeling hurt from his tardiness... or annoyance at his intrusion onto my bed.

"Many things concerning you. But I prefer pleasant conversation, and working towards finding my answers, rather than outright interrogation. Though I could be more direct if you prefer." His golden eyes narrowed slightly as he spoke, and a chill rose up my spine, his words almost feeling dangerous as they left him. They left me frozen for a moment, and drew my gaze to his, my lips parted with surprise.

"I prefer... not to be toyed with, and I can tell you have some... reason you aren't sharing..." I said, fidgeting with the blanket in my grip to help me build the courage to continue speaking. "I... I am not saying I don't enjoy your company... or that I want to be interrogated.. but you rarely answer much, and sneak in questions... I would like you to be honest..."

"He chuckled softly, nodding slightly. " I see... then perhaps... you would prefer a game? It seems you could use a bit of uplifting tonight.. So if you prefer I will ask more directly what I want to know. If I believe your answers, perhaps I will reveal a bit about myself in return." I shouldn't admit it.. but my heart fluttered at his proposal. Finally I wouldn't feel completely jerked around! And I was not about to reveal I would answer him regardless of reward.

"Alright... that sounds fair."

"First question then... what has you so distraught this evening, aside from my being late." My eyes narrowed, thinking back on the day.

"Well... I am not sure what you know about school... I have mentioned my school to you before, but... basically there are a lot of people my age there, and people my age are jerks. There were some bratty girls... I... I am used to being picked on and stuff, but I wasn't expecting to be picked on so quickly here. It's a private school... My mom paid a lot of money to get me in, because I don't have the grades to warrant it, and it's already the beginning of the end. It starts with light teasing. Bratty girls, or rude boys whispering, spreading rumors about me, and then teasing... and then outright pulling my hair, or tripping me.. or worse." My eyes narrowed. "I know it's silly to worry about such little things... but it worries my mom, and she will start looking for another school. Today I was walking to class and heard a couple girls whispering about me, and later in the day, just before lunch one of them slapped my book bag away from me, and the other came up as I went to pick it up, and 'accidentally' tripped me and knocked me to the ground."

"I know I shouldn't be so down about it... but at this rate I give it... another month? Two tops before I am looking at another brochure and learning a new schedule." As she finished speaking his expression was unreadable, though his glowing eyes narrowed slightly.

"I see... question two... Why is your hair dark during the day, and light when night time hits?" My eyes lifted, as I stifled a laugh.

"First you tell me something about you. I won't bother asking... you will just find a way around it if I do so." For a second it looked as though I could see a grin on the foxes lips.

" Very well... The form you see me in, is one of many I can take on... and one that has been lost to me accept when in this world of dreams."

"So... is this not just 'my' dream?..."

"You have a question to answer." My eyes narrowed. Annoying as ever.

"A wig... My hair is naturally white.. or silver... or grey.. however you care to describe it. When I am out in public I wear a wig to help blend in slightly. You don't often come across a fifteen year old with grey hair..."

"Why is it grey?" I smirked, shaking my head. His own rule, it was his turn and my lips were sealed. This game of his was funner than I had thought it would be. With a sigh he closed his eyes.

"This is just your dream... but that does not mean that I was created by it."

"That is hardly an answer!" I groaned. "And hardly worth my next!"

"Alright.. more information then... I can exist outside of your dream, but not as you see me now."

"Really?! Then how would I see you?" Another strange flutter in my chest. He was after all the only friend I had, and the thought that I could speak to him while awake. I admit I was more than a little over excited at the thought.

"That I will not tell you... but then, how could you know if this conversation is real, or just a figment of your mind? So answering would only lead to more complications in your life, don't you agree. Better I remain quiet on this, than you spend your waking hours seeking a phantom of your own creation." His words caused my heart to sink... but something about them felt false, though I could not place it exactly.

"Doctors say because of physical stress... but I remember the day it went white. I was out in the forest with my father... I shouldn't have been. I was very weak. I was sick as a child. My heart was weak and my respiratory system was as well. I couldn't run, or play, or walk very far without losing my breath. I even fainted a few times, so I was always bed ridden. My parents took me to specialists, but they said it was likely I wouldn't live to adulthood, and that bringing me to regular checks, and keeping me from over exerting myself could at best help to prolong my life a little. But.. my father took me to the forest on a small camping trip. He seemed anxious, so mom agreed to let him take me... maybe because she thought he wanted to make memories before it was too late... Anyways, he preyed and preyed out their in this field that had a strange, but really comfortable feeling about it."

"I saw something while there.. it doesn't make a lot of sense... It was like a human tree with willow branches for hair that had these... whitish blossoms all down them... but it reached out to me, and I fainted. When I woke up I felt more energetic then I ever remember feeling before, and I was able to play, and run and not get sick... but my hair was white... all of it... all at once. I never got a chance to ask my dad if he saw it too... or at least I never thought to do so.. but I know I saw it."

My room was quiet for a long moment, as if he was considering my words. "And you have been healthy since?"

"Mostly... I mean... I have had the occasional cold here and there... nothing serious..."

"Did anything else change at that point?" My eyes narrowed slightly.

"That's three questions... Where is an answer for me?" Again the room was silent as I awaited my prize, lifting my arms to fold sternly at my chest. A rumbling sound escaped him. Almost as if groaning as he thought.

"How about this... if you answer this, and your answer is worth anything... I will show you another form of mine..." He finally said, some hesitation in his voice. "A fair trade for three answers I would say.)

"And if it's 'not' worth anything?"

"Then I will tell you another of my alias' " he stated simply. I shrugged, reluctantly speaking, my curiosity driving me to do so, though his game was having less and less appeal.

"I... started seeing odd things... and feeling things... I said they were ghosts, or monsters as a kid... though the counselors mom took me to said that they were just me having an over active imagination, that it was a coping mechanism... something to help me deal with facing mortality at such a young age and to make sense of things too big for my mind to wrap around. But I still see them, and feel them. I even thought I sensed your energy earlier today." His eyes widened at the last words I spoke which left me curious, though before I could say anything or ask anything he jumped from my bed to the floor, walking towards the window.

"I see..." He said before pausing, his front paws lifting to rest on my window sill as he glanced back at me. "Our time for the night is nearly up... but I will keep my word." A strange haze overcame him briefly and I saw a strange silhouette shifting... morphing and standing. My eyes went wide as the haze around him cleared. Before me stood a man, though it took me a moment to realize the gender. He was nearly as tall as my ceiling, his fox ears still present, knifing through long, sleek, silver hair, which framed the fairest face I had ever seen in person. He was dressed in white robes, a single silver tail swishing behind him. And though he was completely different from the fox I had spoke with, his eyes were the same; narrow, feral, and golden. Despite saying he was many centuries old it was hard to believe as he stood before me, he certainly looked mature, with filled out shoulders, and a well muscled, lithe physique.

Still if he was centuries old it was not apparent in his soft features, his cold eyes being the only hint to his true age. I was shaken, my cheeks burning as I looked on at him. Surely he was a figment of my imagination. There was no other explanation for such a beautiful person to spend each night in my company, or to be curious about me.

"Youko?" I breathed out, finally finding my voice through my shock. I shifted to get up from my bed, wanting a closer look at the tall being before me, but before I could stand, he spoke, then disappeared through my window once again.

"Forgive me.." Were his final words before he left, and suddenly I felt a cold wash over me, before my eyes blinked open to the morning light.


	2. Ch2: Monsters are terrible company

**A/N: Yay! Chapter two and already two followers! Hopefully I can get more with this chapter, and more importantly perhaps a couple reviews. I would love to hear any opinions you have, good or bad (as long as bad is critiquing, not overly harsh and opinionated remarks.) So please let me know what you think so far, and if you would like me to continue. Thank you for the views and please enjoy~**

* * *

The next day seemed normal enough. I Pulled back my silvery locks, pinned, tied and tucked them away, pulling on my dark wig. I walked to school as I much preferred the long walk to the short crowded train ride -especially on nice mornings- and school was bland as ever. Whispering girls growing quiet as anyone drew near them, traveling in pairs or small groups and my eyes stayed on the tiled floor.

Boys were less of an issue so far... there were a few cute ones, and a couple the other girls would whisper about, but none had given me any trouble. The most talked about being a boy named Shuichi Minamino, and even I had to admit he was good looking, though in a more unusual way then most popular boys. He wore his hair long, and wild, and it was impossibly red. On top of that he had deep green eyes. To be honest, he was prettier than any other boy in school... and likely prettier than any of the girls. . He was in a separate class than me, but I had spotted him in the halls a few times but I avoided him as much as possible.

From the rumors I had heard he was polite, very aloof, and mysterious, and always had top marks. Too perfect. Boys like that seemed to be one of two ways in actuality, and I wanted nothing to do with either: They were either acting that way for the attention of a girl, usually a snooty one, and usually their politeness was nothing more than a front. More than once I had boys like that pull my hair, call me granny, or find some other way to help break me down, as long as it helped him gain favor with his interest, and his reputation remained clean. The other was the kind that truly wanted to remain distant, and aloof, usually because they had a reason to remain so and honestly that kind was even more nerve racking.

I wasn't sure which Shuichi was... but I had no interest in finding out. That day however was the first real interaction I had with him... if you could call it that. I was on my way to my class when the two girls from the day before stopped me. One had straight black hair, pulled into a tight braid, the others hair was lighter, a medium brunette with hime cut bangs and a haughty gaze to match.

"What do you need, Hikari." Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my greeting, but the look in her eyes made it obvious she wasn't stopping me for a good morning, or an apology for the day before.

"Oh, you can talk? I was beginning to think you were a mute.. Really dear, you should try to speak up a bit more, people are starting to think your weird." Her dark haired friend laughed.

"Really if you act like a ghost, just wondering silently all the time, people might not even see you there. May make for some rough walks through the halls." She added, which broadened Hikari's grin.

"I just stopped you because I was curious about something. We had a quiz last week and.. well.." She pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket holding it in front of my face: a list of classmates, and their scores on the quiz, my name second or third from the last. My eyes narrowed slightly. I had avoided checking my placement compared to the other kids, after all I had only just started private schooling... and it was nearly half way through the year. I knew I didn't rank high, but I hadn't cared to know just how low my marks were. "Is everything alright? I mean... either something is wrong, or your parents must be really loaded to have gotten you into this school. Too bad it will do no good if you can't even pass a little quiz." She snickered. My cheeks burned, my fists clenched, my chest aching. I could feel the eyes of other students as they passed by, some lining up to get into the classroom, though they were enjoying the show as much as anyone. Grade shaming was new... I had never really dealt with that until that day... but then again my grades were reaching an all time low.

That is when I heard him from the side. I jumped slightly, turning to look, his eyes met mine briefly before flitting away to the two girls. "Miss Inoue, is it? And miss Maki.. May I?" He greeted the two girls, reaching for the list. Both girls looked as stunned as I did, though she passed the list to him as requested. He looked it over briefly, before smiling and handing it back. "Literature... and it seems you both did quite well. In that case, may I borrow you two for a moment? I was just looking over my homework from last night, and could possibly use your insight on a few of the questions." It was almost tedious to watch as the two bounced excitedly down the hall beside him, though at least I was able to get to class, and as I glanced back at the three heading away, I once more caught his gaze, and could swear I saw him smile towards me.

For the rest of the day I was baffled about the encounter, though I was more thankful then I should have been. The bratty girls were so busy being giddy about the whole thing, that they completely forgot I existed. The one benefit to being a 'ghost' as they had put it.

That night however, there were no dreams, nor the next. No visitors, not lucid conversations, and by friday of the second week without visits I was so distraught by the lack of meetings with the fox I nearly didn't get out of bed for school in the morning. I had thought I felt his presence at school, or along the way a few times, but could never quite place it. At least the girls at school seemed to let up slightly, perhaps because I started coming a bit later, and I would hang behind in class until after I saw them leave. I pretended to be scanning over, or finishing my notes until I was sure they were gone... And Though I saw Shuichi in the halls from time to time it seemed as though he went out of his way to avoid eye contact with me... not that it mattered. We had never even said two words to each other... and it was not unlike what other students seemed to do as I passed by... though I suppose I was grateful for his interference, even if he seemed more interested in getting Hikari's attention, than protecting me from it.

I made it to school in time on friday, and it was yet another bland day, and rather than staying late to study I came home directly, weeding and watering the garden in my back yard, before spending the rest of the day in it, contemplating what had changed since his last visit. Had I offended the fox? He said he existed outside my dream... but he also said that if he were a figment, then what he said held no truth.

For hours I sat, thinking of every question, every response, and every expression I could remember... my thoughts lingering on the last. "Forgive me" for what? Was that his goodbye? And right after showing me his more human appearance, his pale face still fresh in my mind if I closed my eyes.

I could tell I was distraught... and very much distracted. Usually in my little garden I didn't stress or focus on anything outside of it. I focused on the lilies, and the small yellow and white flowers that grew as ground cover beneath my larger flowers, and the deep green ivy I had planted when we first moved in, which was starting to creep along the corners of the my stone planters boxes. Usually thinking of my problems in the garden helped them to melt away to more pleasant thoughts... but this time my concerns won even over the peace that lingered in my favorite place.

That night I went to sleep disheartened, and still at a loss. Apparently all I had to do to bring him back was finally give up.

The breeze hit me, and before he spoke, I did. "You came back?" I asked into the dark before even opening my eyes, and for a moment I was only met with silence. My eyes blinked open, and I sat up, looking to the window where my gaze was met with glowing golden hues.

"I did." His voice was hesitant, as if he was debating still whether he should have come or not.

"Why?"

"I have not yet sated my curiosity, not completely." His answers were more direct than usual, though just as brief. His answer left me feeling cold again. Perhaps he was not the only one hesitant to meet again. I didn't sit up... or get up. Instead I rolled to look at my door, closing my eyes as I pulled my blanket tighter around my form.

"Curiosity killed the cat" I muttered.

"Good thing I am a fox then... besides that is a statement that is often misquoted. Originally it was 'Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." I could hear the amusement in his voice, and for a moment I was at a loss for words, and was half tempted to throw my pillow at him.

"Close the window... I am catching a chill." I had no comebacks for his response, and I didn't want to ask what he wanted to know... I didn't want to tell him. He had been gone for nearly a week, and if I gave him the information he wanted.. how long then, would he go away? It was bitter of me... and harsh... but I didn't want to give him that freedom if curiosity was the leash that tied him to my dreams. The breeze stopped, the loud thud of the window slamming shut ringing in my ears. But what side of the window did he choose to stay on? It was silent again, but I couldn't seem to wake, or to break from the lucid meeting ground. Finally I opened my eyes, The foxes face not far from my own, as he sat just beside my bed, his gaze fixed on me. I wanted to talk to him, but instead I just rolled away once more. He chuckled softly, before finally speaking.

"Are you angry with me? Or is this form no longer pleasing to your eye? If I were in my other, would you keep looking away?" There was too much amusement in his tone, and I felt my cheeks heating at his words. In a way however, teasing or not he wasn't exactly wrong with either of his questions.. though how could I admit that... especially the truth to the second?

"Of course I am mad! I am very mad!" I sat up, glaring down the beast beside my bed. "And have every right to be. 'Forgive me' is not a goodbye, it is not a conclusion! It certainly is not an explanation..." I was too emotional, and I knew it... though I couldn't place just why. With an almost grin he stopped me.

"No... it's an apology." He said simply. Another brief side step, as always he seemed to do... but it worked, at least slightly. I was shocked at the simple explanation, so shocked, and happy that I laughed. He was there, same as ever... and it was annoying, and comforting all at once.

"Yes... it is an apology... but for what?" I demanded, though my voice had lost it's edge. He was quiet for a moment, choosing his words.

"Because... I had not planned to visit you again." My heart felt heavy in my chest, my eyes likely going wide, though I am unsure just how much he could read from my expression, but it caused him to speak again. "It seemed unwise for me to continue..."

"That is more detail then you usually give up willingly... but still... I am confused..."

"Heh... nevermind... I am here after all. It seems that in this matter curiosity has won over logic.." I tilted my head, still confused by what he meant, but it didn't seem I would get any information on the topic.

"So... what is it that has you curious this evening."

"Many things... more questions than I am willing to give answers in payment for."

"So you are willing to pry, but not to tell me about yourself? Isn't that a bit contradictory."

"Indeed it is... though I suppose if I phrase my questions well enough perhaps I can get the answers I seek... there are a few more truths I am willing to reveal." My eyes narrowed slightly.

"How very honest of you... but you can save your truths. I just have a couple of requests... I want an honest answer to one question, and I want you to be in your other form tonight. I will feel less crazy if you at least look almost human." Without objection he shifted into the tall, pale figure from the last time we spoke, taking the old wooden chair from my desk and spun it to face my bed before taking a seat, folding one leg over the other as he leered at me.

"fair enough... ask your one question." I tried my hardest not to stare... but he was damn beautiful. I wish I could have turned on my light to get a better look... or perhaps I wished he would come closer... Either way I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat that developed at the thought of what his answer may be.

"Is this... the last time you will visit me?" My words cracked... it was the most revealing, and embarrassing sound that could have come from my lips as I asked. His brow furrowed, his narrow eyes narrowing further, golden hues shifting to the side.

"If I get the information I seek.. then likely it will be. Though I cannot give you an answer with complete certainty. After-" He caught himself... he was about to slip, but I could not tell what was nearly revealed. "I had intended for our last visit to be the last... I intend the same for tonight."

My eyes peeled away from his beautiful physique, sinking to the blankets sitting on my lap, my hands folding together. "I see... well then, ask away I guess.." I tried not to sound too distraught by his reply, but the long silence that filled my room was enough to let me know he had caught on. I heard him shift after a moment.

"Why does that information have you so disappointed?" He finally asked. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him as I tried to think of how to answer.

"I guess... because... Even if you are a figment of my imagination... you are the closest thing to a friend I have had in a long time. It is nice to have someone to talk to. I have never been very good at accepting when a friendship comes to an end." I lifted my eyes to his them, and with all the strength I could muster I forced a smile. It was bad enough that I was admitting how I felt about it all.. at the very least I could maintain some illusion of grace in accepting his choice to not return. "I had hoped we could talk more is all. But it's fine, really. Better I know and that I am prepared than for you to just disappear without explanation again. Please, Just ask what you want to know and be on your way." There was a bit of concern in his eyes but he nodded.

"You said that you have seen odd things since you were a child.. 'ghosts'... have you ever interacted with any?"

"Well... I mean... I try not to... the more I interact with them, the more they seem to show up, and they aren't always just ghosts. There are creatures too, though I try really hard to act like I don't see those when they are around... I had a pretty scary encounter with one when I was about eight or nine. Since then I usually just ignore them. When you first showed up... I kind of thought you were like that, a monster of some sort... But I haven't really seen or felt many other weird things since we started talking. So at least this isn't calling them to me." His figure stiffened slightly, his eyes peering at me with a seriousness that gave me goosebumps.

"An encounter? Can you clarify?"

"Um... I..." I shifted slightly, moving to sit on the edge of my bed, my left side in his line of sight as I carefully gripped the side of my night shirt. My cheeks heated as I slowly lifted it to just below my bust, revealing two barely noticeable scars on my side along my rib cage" I was unsure if he could even see the small marks in the low light of the moon as it filtered through my window. It was a modest amount of skin for me to show, less than some swimsuits would reveal, but still it was embarrassing to show even that much of my skinny frame to the well toned male.

"I was at the park playing and heard someone calling for help from a small grouping of trees. I thought it was another kid. It sounded innocent enough... I went to help, and it even looked like a kid at first... but when I got closer it changed... I can't even remember what it looked like exactly, but it had big, clawed hands and it grabbed me, and tried to drag me into the brush. I struggled and its claws cut pretty deep along my side. I kicked and screamed, and my mom came running. It ran off pretty quick, so fast I didn't even realize it had let me go. Mom thought I scrapped myself on some branches playing where I wasn't supposed to, and said I was making things up... but I remember it clearly." He moved to my side, kneeling beside me to take a closer look at my side. He reached out, gingerly placing his clawed fingers against the scars. I was shocked at just how gentle his touch was, though still I jerked away, looking down at him sheepishly, my eyes going as wide as they could at the unexpected contact.

"Forgive me. I couldn't see the scars clearly.. I thought with a closer look I might be able to tell what creature caused them." He then stood, returning to the chair, and I quickly pulled my blanket tight around me again.

"... and.."

"They are too faded at this point. It seems they have healed up quite well."

"They didn't need stitches or anything, so they healed up quickly... I usually heal pretty quick to be honest. Especially if I try to focus on it while I rest.." A small smile pulled at his lips.

"Is that so? Have you ever tried to heal... like a magic spell in a show or something like that?" He asked, as an amused grin pulled at his lips, his arms folded across his chest as he spoke.

"Of course not! I know the stuff I see is weird and all... but I am still in touch with reality..." He chuckled softly and shook his head.

"Perhaps you should try it sometime, you may surprise yourself. With energy like yours I think you would be great at using it to heal... you would just need to focus yourself, imagine the energy inside you flowing towards the wound, and imagine it closing up." I arched a brow at him, unsure if he was teasing me, or if he was serious.

"I will keep that in mind... Anything else you want to know?"

"You... said you have felt my energy outside of this little dream of yours.." He looked to me curiously, and I gave a gentle nod. "Could you explain better what you mean by that?"

"I can try... I guess... Ghosts feel one way.. like a chill.. An uneasiness when they are around. Some have a stronger presence then others, but the general feeling is the same. The other things.. feel scarier, and stronger.. And even people have a feeling about them. I have been able to tell when people were coming to visit because I felt their energies coming towards my house... but those feelings are weaker, like... almost more like intuition than an actual sensation... You... you are kind of different too.

You feel like the scarier things... the creatures... but you also feel like a normal person. I can't really explain it." I looked to him, hoping he may shed some light on what why his feeling was unique, though as usual he didn't offer up any unnecessary information.

"Anyways... I felt an energy like yours... unique... I felt it on my way to school a couple of times, though I am unsure where it was coming from, and then once or twice at school as well. I never could tell if it was in the school and close, or if it was just... near.. It was more the intuition feeling, not the actual goosebumps. I kind of feel like it belongs to a student.. or maybe a teacher... but to be completely honest I cannot tell beyond the fact that it just... felt similar to you." That answer seemed to please him some, a smile forming across his lips, and his golden eyes closing contently.

"Has the feeling changed at all since you first felt it outside of your dreams?" I shook my head, with little thought on the matter.

"I have felt it pretty infrequently... sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker.."

"I see... Well.. there is more I would like to know, but our time is drawing short. I should probably take my leave." My heart ached at his words, I wanted to ask him to stay... to come back again... but I fought myself not to, instead I only nodded, and watched as he stood, walking towards my window.

"Youko... Wait." I belted, right as he pulled open the window. He glanced back at me, but I fought myself to not look back at him as I spoke. I had almost managed to keep my mouth closed, to let me go without a fuss... but I couldn't... "I need to ask... did you only come to see me in the first place... to see if I was a threat?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"You wanted to know about my interactions with other things... and it seems you wanted to know if I was getting closer to finding you when not asleep. Even a lot of our other conversations... seemed to be searching for a motive... and you stopped coming to see me when I mentioned sensing you at school... despite visiting me every night before that...if that is the case.." I bit my lip, fighting with myself about whether I should continue with my pathetic plea. "If it is.. then I want you to know... I have no intention of looking for you out or anything... I am sure you are real now... I am sure you aren't just a dream. If you were a dream, then you would not have disappeared so suddenly and then returned out of no where.. But... I won't look for you. I will ignore it any time I sense you... if you will continue to visit me like this." I sounded ridiculous, I knew it... and any illusion of grace I had faded as the words left me.

He hesitated, and I am sure he was looking at me, I could feel the contemplation in his golden eyes as they shifted over me. "I am sorry, but you are incorrect, and I do not intend on returning. I am not the kind of company you should keep. I am not an ally to you, much less a friend. It may be best you forget these dreams all together." There was a coldness to his tone, but something else as well.. almost like remorse. I turned to look at him, and went to leap from my bed, but he was already out of sight, and I could feel the vision of my lucid surroundings beginning to fade.


	3. Ch3: School Counseling is awkward

**AN: First off thank you** **Haruchan-chan for giving me my first review on this story! yay! And thank you to the few readers, favorites and followers it has required. I look forward to hearing more from you. Of course it goes without saying but I do not own Yuyu hakusho or any of it's characters, Kurama included. Anywho, without any more delay, please enjoy, and reviews are love!**

* * *

I had not seen the fox since that night... not for the entire school week, and though the teasing had picked up I had managed to block it out better than usual and had even gotten somewhat over my sadness at missing him. Things were back to normal. I was back to ignoring any strange sights or feelings, including his lingering energy, but six days after our last meeting, after falling asleep a -now familiar- feeling overcame me.

I grumbled slightly, rolling to face the window, my eyes, half lidded. "Again? You seem to be worse at saying goodbye than even I am..." Sitting in the window, was not the familiar fox, but instead the silver haired man. He was impossibly well balanced for how slender and narrow my window sill was, his hands rested beside him, and one leg folded over the other. It really was a mesmerizing view, not that I had any intention of letting him know I felt that way.

Still I couldn't hide the growing heat in my cheeks. He seemed even more beautiful than the first time I saw him... but perhaps it was just the fact that I had missed him... or perhaps my fondness of the creature helped give me the illusion that his beauty was ever enhancing... not that in needed any enhancing from the start.

He chuckled softly, closing his eyes as an amused grin curled the corner of his lips. "And here I half expected a warm and friendly greeting. Perhaps even a 'I am glad you came back'. I guess I am beginning to overstay my welcome, despite your pleas the other day.." I sat up, trying to surpress the blush in my cheeks at his teasing.

"I am just getting tired of half-assed goodbyes. Besides, there is no point in you being here tonight. I don't know what you want to know, but I am not feeling so loose lipped... and there is nothing I want to know about you so you are kind of out of luck." Another small laugh vibrated over his lips as I looked away from him.

"Nothing at all that has you curious?"

"There is plenty I am curious about. But what is the point of getting to know someone I may or may not ever see again? Someone is wants me to believe they are just a figment of my imagination? It is frustrating. The more I know the more I think that maybe this is mutual, maybe you are interested in actually getting to know _me_ , rather than just being here with some goal in mind... and then you sidestep my curiosity, and say you won't be back... So why should I keep trying to sate your curiosity when I only end up feeling annoyed or sad by the time our conversations end?" I am a bit ashamed at how I acted... what I said. It was too revealing and emotional, but I couldn't control myself.

He tilted his head as if thinking, before giving a slight nod and coming to a stand. "I see... I suppose it is rather rude of me to leave you so discontented after each visit. But perhaps we can still come to a solution." He stood up, pacing around slightly on arm crossed, holding the elbow of the other, his other hand cupping his chin in thought. Both his hair and his tail seemed to glisten in the soft light of the moon as he moved about.

I did not respond aside from turning to look at him, my legs crossed, with my arms resting in my lap. I was curious just what kind of deal he may try to make with me next. Finally he stopped turning to face me with narrowed eyes, his silver hair swaying behind him.

"I can understand you not wanting to know more about me. I prefer it that way actually...I suppose we could talk as we first did, just have a conversation, and I could allow the information I want to come up naturally..." He tilted his head. "But I doubt that would be any more satisfactory to you, and it would be rather annoying... I am sure you would be on edge searching for my motives." I gave a nod, my own eyes narrowing.

"Besides if that is what you choose to do, then you may get stuck returning a few times before getting all the information you seek... and apparently you have no interest in visiting anymore beyond picking my brain... wouldn't want to draw that out too much now would we." He grinned stepping a bit closer, quirking a brow.

"You sound a bit bitter... are you really that affected by my choice to cease my visits?"

"It doesn't really matter does it?... Like I said earlier... I am tired of fake goodbyes. I am tired of last visits and then finding myself here with you again."

"Yet you don't want to give me the information I seek? The information to get me to leave?" I knew it made little sense, but I understood the connection... I let out a soft sigh, trying to think of how to explain it.

"If I answer what you want me to answer, it may make you curious about something else... and then this will happen again. You are messing with my head and I don't like it. I really like talking with you. I really want to keep getting to... but being told over and over that you won't be back, or being left with no goodbye at all... It is frustrating. I have been having a hard enough time focusing in waking hours with school, and my grades, and my mom, and trying to postpone another move. I need to not be worrying if my 'imaginary friend' is going to talk to me or not! On top of that you are making me feel crazy! Are you real or not? Are you a spirit or not? Am I really so hard up for friends that I am trying to make myself believe you are more than you? And if you are real and living in the waking world, why can't you come see me when I am not asleep at least once?" I shifted again pulling my knee to my chest, and leaning forward to rest my head against them.

"Not that you will answer any of that... and if you do it will only be enough to satisfy until you are gone and I realize it is no answer at all... just another smooth evasion." I felt a slight pressure on my mattress as he came to sit beside me, I could feel the length of his tail stretching out behind me, the heat of the fur warm against my lower back.

"I did not mean for my visits to cause you such distress... though I can't help but be a bit amused... even with the small bit of information I have given you about myself you seem to have read me pretty well. I prefer to keep myself and my life private... I prefer you not look for me or seek me out during waking hours because I am no longer the visage you are familiar with and rather than giving a lengthy explanation I prefer our encounters maintain this anonymity. I feel it is safer for both myself and you"

I could feel his eyes on my, the heat from them burned with concern. I didn't respond. I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to reveal any more about how taxing these visits had become.

"Your senses are strong. I feel I must tread carefully around you, or you will catch my scent. The more I visit you, the more I feel your energy, and I am sure it is mutual. That is why my visits must end. It is not a lack of interest. It is necessity. I promise I will do my best to keep my curiosity at bay after this visit. And I will try to find a way to leave you with some satisfaction. If you do not want to ask anything about me... perhaps there is something else you would like to know. I know a vast amount of trivia and history..."

My face had felt so hot after my outburst, but through listening to his deep voice speaking so softly, and taking the time to breath in the cool night air I finally feel the heat draining. I lifted my head, allowing one knee to drop as I hugged the other still against my chest. His face looked blank, expressionless... but still there was a look of caring in his eyes. "There is nothing I want to ask you..." I said softly, peeling my gaze from his alabaster face, and instead looking to the window. "I don't want to talk tonight..."

He leaned forward, attempting to catch my gaze, leaning closer to me in the process. My cheeks warmed once more and I shifted to scoot a bit further away from him, embarrassed by the close proximity, as if the serious conversation and his seemingly genuine concern for me were not embarrassing enough.

"He gave a small smile, and I saw a strange glint in his eye then. "Alright... perhaps there is another way I can persuade you... and maybe even lighten your spirit a bit." I wasn't sure why... something in that look, or the way he spoke... something made me suddenly stiffen.

"H-how is that?"

"Your cheeks seem to turn red quite often in my presence.. and the way you get flustered when I am nearby... Perhaps if you don't want to talk there is something else you would prefer to do... some other form of payment for telling me what I wish to learn."

"What are you talking about?!" My arms coiled against my chest, my eyes going wide. "I-I mean... I just get shy easy th-thats all. I-I would never ask t-to do... well.. a-anything." a small chuckle vibrated up his throat, and he turned to face me.

"I am not suggesting anything too extreme... I am just offering a payment informative in a way that does not involve speaking..." He reached out, brushing the back of his fingers down my crimson cheek before cupping my chin. He was gentle, but still with just a slight lift of his hand I was compelled to lift my face and lock my eyes on his as he continued, the soft pad of his thumb brushing across my bottom lip, the slender pointed nail plucking over the center of it, causing my lips to part slightly as my breath escaped me, goosebumps forming on my arms.

"W-why would you s-s-suggest anything like that..." I finally managed to say in a near whisper as I fought to take in another breath.

He folded his arms across his chest, his eyes narrowing into a menacing, and amused gaze. "I am no fool... I can see how you look at me when I am like this, there is a reason I chose this form tonight instead of the one more familiar to you. I have two questions left... after that I am certain I will be satisfied and will no longer haunt your dreams as I have. In return... I can offer you this special 'goodbye'. I think that would easily pay for the meager answers I request, and hopefully it will be a goodbye that will leave you with less distress.."

I thought for a moment, before letting out a sigh. He knew me too well already, and even if I didn't have feelings quite like _that_ for him, I couldn't deny my curiosity...

"Alright, what do you want to know." I said begrudgingly, almost instantly regretting it as I saw a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Your father... you said you never got a chance to ask him about what you saw in the forest, why is that." Instantly my mood went from flustered, and curious for the creature before to a low, and dark place I tried not to visit often. My body tensed and I clung to my blanket.

"About a year or so after that... he grew very ill and passed away. I was just so happy to be well, and to be able to play that I never thought to bring it up really. When a kid that little describes fantastic creatures no one dismisses them really as 'hallucinations'. It isn't until they get a bit older that their imaginations are considered alarming. I may have mentioned it, but if I did it was just 'right dear' or 'wow' never a serious conversation. By the time I was old enough to be taken seriously he was gone. And being so little... I didn't know he was dying ill... I didn't think that I would need to ask him everything I ever wanted to know about him, or what happened or it would be too late. I just thought he needed to rest and he would be better..."

I couldn't read his face, though a flash of concern entered his eyes. He didn't reach out to comfort me, or offer and condolences, instead he remained silent as I tried to compose myself. It had been a long time since I had allowed myself to think about his death, and I felt the heat of tears building up in my eyes. I cleared my throat, to remove the forming lump within it, and blinked. Fighting back the overflow of emotion. I would not cry. Not in front of Youko. He had brought me near tears himself before, and I had no intention allowing him to again. I could not give him such sway over me. Already I felt like a puppet on a string when he was near...

"What else. One more question." I finally said, once I managed to get control of myself. He placed his hand beside me on the bed, almost as if reaching towards me, an apologetic look etched into his features.

"I know now that this is a heavy subject for you... But I wanted to know... if you knew anything more about your trip to the forest? Why he took you there to pray... If he had any other odd habits or traditions."

I bit into my bottom lip, trying to think about his question, and my father without feeling another overwhelming sense of sadness. "Nothing too odd... My dad's family was kind of... traditional mostly, and even though dad was a bit less so... especially after his trip over seas he still held some of his families beliefs. I don't know a lot about it. Mom says it is mostly rubbish and optimistic drabbles but I guess his family was very into shinto beliefs. I believe the place he took me was a near a shrine to some spirit or something... I suppose I could ask my grandparents on his side, but after his passing I have had very little contact with that side of my family. His sister checks up on us once and a while... but my grandparents were never keen on him marrying and bringing home a foreigner I guess.."

"I see." I nodded, looking down at my hands as I fumbled with the cloth of my blanket. Despite how flustered he had made me before his questions I felt a numbing and familiar ache.

"Anything else?" He leaned towards me, so close I could feel the tickle of his sleek sliver hair against my cheek. He reached up, his fingers barely touching my cheek. My eyes went wide as I was reminded of our agreement, and even with the emotions whirling within my I felt the anticipation, and excitement above it all, but his skin never touched mine, not beyond his fingertips. His lips halted, so close to mine I could feel the heat of his breath as he let out a low, hesitant sign, before drawing his hand back.

"No... Thank you, Koyosei." He whispered before pulling back, and making his way towards the window. I felt my heart sink... a too familiar feeling when he was around, and jumped up my arms stiff at my sides.

"H-Hey! What the hell was that!..." He gave a smile, though it seemed a bit forced.

"It is a memorable goodbye, and rather than what you were expecting... I will give you a bit of advice. I was a thief by trade for many years.. and something that is more valuable than treasure or gold is information. You should never give it up so freely, and without payment being given first, because unlike any other treasure you cannot take back information once it has been given. At least not without rather gruesome means."

"Youko! That is not fair!" I shouted, my voice breaking as I did so." I went to lunge for my window, to grab his arm... but instead I lunged upright in my bed, in a silent room with the window closed and locked.

… … … … …

He was not wrong... or dishonest at least... It was a special goodbye, special in the fact that after it, I was more angry and annoyed with him than sad at his departure. In fact, I felt as though if I saw his smug, beautiful face ever again I was certain I would slap it. For days I dwelt on the way he jilted me. But at least it helped me not to focus on the bratty girls at school.. but unfortunately it also distracted from my studies.

Nine weeks into transferring to Meioh private academy and I was called to the counselors office. To my surprise I was not the only one there, two chairs down, sat Shuichi Minamino and curious as I was, I was not about to ask what issues mr. perfect had that would bring him to the office. However, as the counselor called me in, he brought Shuichi in as well. We shared a glance, both he and I seemed equally as confused, and possibly nervous. But as we sat in the office the counselor looked between us.

"Shuichi, I hear your mother has finally made a full recovery, and is back home?" His eyes widened as they shifted from the man, to me and back.

"Yes sir, but if that is why I am here, then couldn't we speak privately?" He asked politely. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, half wanting to ask the same.

"Sorry. I know you try to keep your school life and your home life separate. Indeed it is quite impressive that your grades have not slipped at all since this all started, but I am concerned about your attendance. Of course in matters of family emergencies and illness we are sympathetic... but this is a private school, and that means that we do expect full dedication from our students, even those with top marks."

"Due to the circumstances, we have excused you from participating in any clubs or extra curricular activities, and have not disqualified you, or marked down your class because of your continued absences but we do need to know that you are a fully committed student here at the academy." My cheeks burned. I had no interest in hearing about this boys personal life, but here I sat with it all being laid out before me. His mother had been sick, and he was fighting to keep his grades up... and likely not to lose himself to the stress of a sick parent. My heart ached at the memory of my father hitting once more. I looked at the door, trying to tune out from the discussion, not wanting to intrude any more on his privacy.

"I assure you sir, I am completely committed to my education... but can we please not talk about this with-" He glanced to me, his eyes narrowed, a burning anger behind them that gave me a strange chill.

"She is here for a reason Shuichi. I am getting to that. I know you are dedicated to your education. That is not in question. Your marks have been a great representation of this academy and it's dedication to the students who attend, but it does not look good for you to be missing so much school, and not participating in any school activities no matter how good your grades are. We want you to be successful, however if you want to get to a good university you need some extra activites on file, and ideally a better attendance record."

Shuichi grew quiet, folding his legs and resting his hands in his lap as he leered at the counselor.

"So... I have come up with a way for you to get at least something added to your file for extra curricular, and a way that you can maintain your mostly freed up schedule while showing your dedication to the school." He looked at me then, folding one arm behind his back, the other pointing from me to Shuichi.

"Miss Hishikawa, this is Shuichi Minamino. Shuichi, this is Koyosei Hishikawa from class 1-C. She was transferred here a couple months ago. Her grades however are not where we would like for one of our students." His eyes fell on me, a sympathetic look in them.

"Miss Hishikawa, I know that you have been trying... I have seen you leave late many days in a row, and though you have not joined any clubs yet I have seen you taking brochures, and I assume you have avoided joining because you have been using that time to study. Even with students who pay to attend here, it is expected that your grades reach and maintain a certain level, or you will be denied acceptance in the following year. I am sure you are aware of this. It is not to single anyone out, but private learning is not for everyone." My face burned, and my eyes sank to the floor. I wondered if this was how Shuichi felt when it was him under the counselors expository spot light.

"It has also come to my attention that despite being here for over two months you do not seem to walk home with anyone, or sit with anyone during lunch, or while you study. Part of maintaining a healthy school life is social interaction, and as the school counselor I cannot help but worry about your mental state with you having failing grades, and avoiding others, and so after speaking with your teachers, I have come to the conclusion that you should undergo tutoring."

"Shuichi... You can decline of course, but I do insist you accept this offer. Not only are you top ranked in grades, but you are friendly among your peers even though you seem to avoid contact with them outside of a school environment, and with Miss Hishikawa's antisocial nature I thought that you would be a good choice a tutor. Perhaps you can sympathize with quiet nature?"

My eyes grew wide as I looked at Shuichi, the thought of working so closely with him making my heart pound. It was almost annoying. Even still we had not said a single word to one another and I got so shy around him! I felt a bit ridiculous in that moment. I was just like every other giddy girl in the school, getting so worked up over a boy I knew barely anything about.

He looked to me as well, contemplation in his eyes, and for a moment they looked almost familiar, though I could not place why... perhaps it was the color, after all it was not too far from the color of my own, and it was a rather rare hue to find in Japan. His were deeper green however, almost like leaves on forest trees... I was staring... I looked away sheepishly, my gaze returning to the ground.

"Tutor her... in what? And how often?" He asked in an almost defeated sounding voice.

"Her marks are low across the board, but she needs the most focus in Literature, Science and Math. If those can be brought up by the end of the year, meeting standards then she will qualify to attend next year. If they get to exceeding, and the other courses are brought to standard then she may even qualify for a scholarship due to level of improvement, and will be on her way to a successful career. As for how often... I would like for you to spend at least one hour a week on it, but if you choose to do more then I will make sure to note your dedication and enthusiasm."

Shuichi looked to me then, and as my eyes shifted to see him through my peripherals he smiled. "Alright then... Miss Hishikawa, would you accept me as your tutor?"

I gave a gentle nod, looking in his direction. "I-if it isn't too much trouble on you..." I finally stated... though of course I knew this meant I would likely deal with far more stress from Hikari and her friends... if not others as well. But the counselor was right. My grades were continuing to slip, and I really could use the help...

As we left the office I walked close to Shuichi, and stopped after a moment, when we were relatively alone, and in a somewhat bold gesture -at least for me- I reached out and grabbed his sleeve to stop him as well.

He turned to look at me, tilting his head curiously, before glancing down at my hand as it still gripped the cloth. "Is... something the matter?"

"No... um... I just wanted to say... if you are too busy... to tutor me that is. I uh.. I can study alone. I don't mind saying that you are helping, and I can try to better focus so my grades will improve. With what he said in there... I am sure you have plenty on your plate, without having to worry about my grades as well.." I pulled my hands away, lifting them to cradle against my chest as he let out a chuckle.

"Please, don't worry about that. I have no problem helping. I would just prefer it is done here, at school. I don't really bring people to my home, and once I leave school I prefer to go there directly. As he said my... troubles are mostly resolved now, so I am sure I can dedicate at least one hour a week to helping. Just please don't mention anything you heard in there to other students, alright?" I nodded, a small smile forming on my lips.

"Of course. Your business is your own, I honestly felt a bit awkward just being in the room. I have no interest in repeating any of it so no worries there."

"Thank you. So about studying. I am usually in the chemistry lab after my classes end... If you like we can meet there, and we could study for about half an hour each evening. That way it will add up to three hours a week, but with it being in short bursts you can contemplate one what we go over in your own time to better absorb the information and it is not too intrusive to either of our schedules?"

"Sounds like a smart idea. So... I will meet you there after school." He nodded before heading off to his own class, leaving me to do the same. As I made my way to class I couldn't help but smile a bit to myself. It seemed that he was the second type of aloof and mysterious, and it seemed he was only trying to hide that his family life was a bit harder than he wanted to let on. I could have been wrong of course, but perhaps it was a bit of wishful thinking... after all he had seemed so kind, and I had warmed up to the thought of him a bit since he helped to get Hikari off my back a bit.


	4. Ch4: I know 1 thing, that I know nothing

As I approached the door of the chemistry lab I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. I could see Shuichi's vibrant red hair through the semi-opaque glass as he shifted about. I had wanted to avoid him... as much as I did any of the other popular boys... or anyone for that matter, but here I was about to meet with him for the first of many tutoring sessions, now knowing more about him then I had ever planned to... more than he wanted other students to, and all I could do is try my best to raise my grades and test scores so that both him and I could be free of the agreement.

I took in a deep breath before pulling open the door with one hand, my other cradling my books to my chest. He smiled as I approached and gestured to a seat beside where he had been standing.

"I was just finishing up with a lab that I missed out on. Let me put these supplies away and we can start. I was thinking we could start with math if you don't mind. I shrugged, glancing over the beakers, and small labeled bottles that he had set out on the long, rectangular table.

"If you think that is best I suppose. It is my least favorite subject, but I guess that is all the more reason to get it out of the way." He chuckled softly, carefully sorting the bottles and placing them in their respective places in one of the cabinets that lined the room.

"You are not alone. Many people dislike math, and find it difficult. It is one of my favorite subjects however. I enjoy logic based courses because at least in my opinion, they are easy. A single solution that you must seek out."

"I guess I am the opposite." I said, as I grabbed my math book, sifting through the pages. My

heart sank as I looked over the various problems and formulas. He stood over me for a moment once he finished putting away the supplies, his eyes focused on the book, before he took a seat beside me. Despite the close proximity, he kept at least a foot or so between us, being sure to give me plenty of space, which I was thankful for.

" Math can be really simple actually. I am sure we can get you caught up in no time. The reason I would like to start with it is not because of my own fondness of the subject. The problem many have with math is that it is a systematic, step-by-step process. If you understand each of the steps, then you will always come to the proper conclusion. However... If you are unfamiliar with even one step in the process you are bound to fail. You transferred here not long ago, correct?" I nodded, my eyes shifting to meet his briefly.

"And I assume that you were working on different problems at your previous school from those you started on here?" He asked, to which I nodded once more.

"Actually... I get transferred around a lot... so... I kind of just get a short refresher or quick catch-me-up every time I move."

"I see... And have you not talked personally with the instructors about problems you don't understand?" My cheeks heated slightly.

"I mean... sometimes I do.. for one or two, but even teachers get annoyed if you ask them to repeat the process for every new formula they introduce..." There was a strange look in his features for a moment- pity? Concern?- I could not place it exactly, but then his eyes closed as he thought for a moment.

"I understand. None of it makes much sense, likely because you are missing an earlier step, which is essential for the more advanced arithmetic. So to start, we should go back to the beginning of the book, and lets go through and write down each formula that you don't understand. Please try not to exaggerate. It is nothing to be embarrassed about and if you fib because you think you 'should' know a problem, then we may never be able to get your understanding where it needs to be. I can look through them and compare to see what steps they have in common, and once we know what steps you are missing I am sure we will be able to catch you up in no time."

I tried to force back a small smile but still the corners of my lips curled. He was actually really kind it seemed, and easy to talk with. I did as he requested, starting back at the very first problems in the book, looking over each carefully.

"Thank you..." I finally said after a moment as I scribbled down a problem, my own words catching even me off guard. "I mean... you are really good at talking about this stuff. I know you are doing this for your own benefit... but if I had teachers like you, I think I would be doing a lot better in my classes."

He smiled, folding his arms in his lap as he sat straight on his stool, one leg folded over the other. "It's no problem. I doubt I will be as much help with some of the other subjects... but as I said before I am rather fond of math."

Even though we had agreed on only half hour each day that first day we spent over an hour and a half on getting each formula I had trouble with meticulously written out, along with what chapter each was in, and a few of the example problems from the section before we parted ways for the day. though I still wanted to keep a bit of a distance from him, I would be lying if I said that by the end of that first tutoring session I didn't have at least a small crush on Shuichi Minamino.

As far as popular pretty-boys went, he didn't seem vain, or pampas, and seemed to actually be a benevolent person. I could almost even look past his interest in Hikari.

After the first few days of tutoring I was nearly caught up in math class... at least in understanding, and I was sure that my score on the next test would be at least near the middle of the class, if not near the top thanks to Shuichi's Tutelage, and even though he avoided talking about anything outside of school work, and seemed a bit rigid if I scooted too near him, I was still content in his company. It was almost enough to help soothe the loss of my time with the dream fox. It did not stop me from occasionally feeling his energy around however, or wishing that perhaps he would come to visit me again... nor did it help to ease the bullying that happened during the day, which had seemed to increase since I started studying with the redhead.

Mean girls grew meaner, and some seemed to enjoy pointing out how sweet it was for Shuichi to 'Take pity on such an unfortunate case' but really... it didn't bother me, not really. It wasn't like their teasing was exactly wrong... except that he was doing it for his own good as well as mine, but I had no interest in revealing that, and it was no ones business. They only knew he was tutoring me at all because a few other students had seen us and had asked him about it. He was nice enough to say we were 'studying together' rather than taking credit for helping me... but with the huge gap in our grades it was easy to figure out what he meant, even for the vapid girls who seemed to do nothing but chatter between classes.

The bullying reached a new peak the next week on tuesday... though that was the least interesting thing to come about that day.

We were well into science by then, reviewing math for the first few minutes each day, just to be sure I was catching on to any new concepts introduced. I went to meet him as normal after school, but I had an odd feeling that entire day, or rather... I noticed something odd. All that day I felt the energy that reminded me of the visitor in my dreams very strongly it had been happening more frequently since just before the weekend, but I had never felt the presence so strongly during the day before. It was so strong that I could hardly focus, and it only seemed to enhance as I walked through the near-empty halls to the chemistry room.

Shuichi greeted me politely as he always seemed to and I took a seat beside him. He was quick to pull out his books, and compare where my class was in comparison to his, though I could hardly focus and just nodded in response to any questions he had. It was almost as if the aura was thick enough to see, and even though I was still rather upset at the fox I still missed him, and the conversations we had shared. For the entire half hour, and then a quarter hour after that I tried to focus myself, only to drift off into thought, and remember previous conversations with the fox.

I remembered on his third or forth visit we got to talking about logic puzzles and paradoxes, things that he said he enjoyed. One he said that he particularly enjoyed was more a play on words than a true paradox, but it had brought a smile to my lips when he presented it, and again at it's memory as I sat beside my tutor. 'I know one thing: that I know nothing.'

Shuichi quirked his brow and went silent. He must have noticed the smirk on my lips, or that I was not responding much to whatever he was explaining at the time, and in truth I felt a bit guilty for wasting his time.

"Is everything alright?" He finally asked, slipping a piece of paper between the pages of the book as a marker before closing it, his head tilting slightly to catch my gaze. My cheeks heated slightly... I was not used to his focus shifting solely to me.

" Yes, of course... I am just having a bit of a hard time focusing today. I am not sure what it is... maybe I am just tired. Sorry." I said, fidgeting with the pages of my one book, before following suit in marking where we were. " I'm trying to listen... but my mind keeps drifting."

"Would it be intrusive to ask where it's drifting to?" I blinked at him, caught off guard by the question. We had hardly even exchanged formal hellos since the study sessions began, much less asked about each others days, or thoughts beyond those about school work. It took me longer to respond then it should have, but finally I cleared my throat and began to speak.

"Ah... at the moment.. Paradox'"

"Oh?"

"Yeah... One I heard a while back... I have read up a bit on them since... but someone told me this one... I believe it was something about 'I know one thing, that I know nothing..' It's silly, but I like how it sounds." He gave an odd smirk then, and I couldn't place the exact look that entered his features.

"I have heard that one myself... but it's a curious time for that to run through your mind. I hope you aren't feeling hopeless about your school work or anything... are you catching on to everything okay?"

I nodded. "Y-yes... you have been very helpful.. I-I guess I could see how that could come off as a warning sign... the knowing nothing... but it's not that, really. I was just thinking of... I was remembering a conversation about paradox with a... well... I guess what used to be a friend. The person who told that to me. For some reason I have been thinking about them a lot today. But never mind any of that... Um... Maybe we should just pick up on this tomorrow, if that's alright?"

He gave a curious look, but nodded his agreement, giving a soft smile. "Of course, that is fine. We all have our off days... I will see you tomorrow then. Perhaps you should try to get some extra sleep tonight." He began to pack his books away, but I didn't take the time to do so myself. I grabbed my books in a loose stack and headed for the door, trying to hide my face with the dark strands of fake hair that framed it. It was silly to feel so personally about the topic, but I suddenly felt far too vulnerable to him.

I was only half way down the hall when I ran into Natsumi, Hikari's best friend. It was so rare that I saw one without the other, that I stopped and blinked curiously at her, not that I wanted to stop and talk with her. She stopped me, gripping my shoulder as I went to pass by.

"Just getting out of your 'study session'?"

"Y-yeah... Headed home now." I muttered, gripping my books tighter to my chest. I was familiar enough with her now to know that her go to move was slapping them from my arms, or occasionally even my desk.

"Hmph... So then... You and Shuichi seem pretty close." Her voice was sharp, almost accusatory. And It was not hard to hear the malice in her tone.

"Not really... He is just helping me out with my school work. Ever since you and Hikari so... politely pointed out that I was behind I have been trying to improve my grades. He overheard then too and offered to help me out..." It was a fib, but not a big one, and believable with how kind he was. Most importantly it protected the information he wished to keep private, and that I promised I wouldn't mention.

"Yeah right?! He offered? He never studies with anyone, why take on a charity case now? You must have begged him to help you... or did you offer him some kind of lewd payment like some desperate little tart?" My eyes grew wide, my cheeks burning as my fists clenched around my books. It took every bit of discipline I had not to swing the large stack right at her smug face.

"I would never do that! And I doubt he would accept a gross offer like that. He may be a teenage boy but he is far from as vulgar as most of them are." I said, though even I was a bit shocked that I was quicker to defend his morality than my own on the subject. "He is just a nice guy, who maybe wants to help the new student out rather than rub her nose in each and every issue she has with adjusting to a new school." It was my voice that was getting sharp now, perhaps from the spite built up within me towards her, and the company she kept, or perhaps just from the way she spoke about me in that moment... or him...

I pulled away from her grip, pushing past her, my eyes on the ground as I attempted to charge off towards the main exit, but before I could get very far I felt her hand on the back of my shirt, pulling it roughly back and pulling me off balance.

"Get back here, we are not done talking!" She snapped before stumbling back slightly herself, her grip loosing, and her body shifting out of my path as she realized I was losing my footing. I felt my shoes slip from beneath me, my eyes clenched shut, and threw my arms out in front of me instinctively as I prepared for the impact of the hard tile floor. I heard my books thud against the ground, and was braced for the same to happen to me, but Instead I was met with the warmth of two strong arms slipping beneath my own, and a study chest pressed to my back. My eyes flashed open, my cheeks heating as my gaze fell on an impossible figure that quickly faded away.

As my eyes opened I saw a hazy figure looking down at me with golden eyes, sleek silver hair and unmistakable fox ears but in a flash the image faded, the golden hues replaced with the wide and familiar green eyes of Shuichi. It could easily be put off as wishful thinking, but with him so close, his arms closed around me to catch me, there was no mistaking it. He was the source of the foxes energy, and I had never felt it so clearly, or so strong, not even in the haze of my dreams.

For a long moment I remained frozen, looking up at him as his arms loosened around me, my back against him, and him staring down at me with wide-eyed shock in his features. Finally he cleared his throat, doing his best to shift so that I was balanced and he could back away.

"Ah... Miss Hishikawa, I was on my way out when I saw..." His eyes shifted to Natsumi and back to me. " Is everything alright?"

I heard what he said but still I could not quite process, I regained my balance, stumbling away from him as I pulled my arms to my chest defensively. He was the fox. He was Youko... and I had not been able to place it. How had I been so foolish? So numb to my senses? How could such a nice boy be a creature like that? Why had he been so curious about me... but mostly How could had I not seen it. I wasn't sure whether to be happy or angry, whether to cry or yell, or give him the hard slap across the cheek I had wanted to ever since our last meeting in my dreams.

I was silent for too long... He took a step towards me, and I flinched away. "I... I need to go. Sorry..." I muttered, spinning on my heels and running as fast as I could for the door. I didn't even think to collect my books before doing so. I needed to think through it. I needed to get away.

I didn't stop running until I was back at my house, safe in my back yard, surrounded by my planter boxes and a high fence. I sat on the bench, my knees pulled to my chest, as I tucked my head against my knees.

How stupid could I be? I should have noticed the similar body language between the two. They both often sat with folded legs, their hands rested in their laps, they both were intelligent and good with puzzles, and they were both too pretty. It was no wonder Shuichi had such strange features!

How was I going to deal with it? How could I just sit with him and study after school? Could I really pretend like nothing happened? How suspicious would it be for me to skip tutoring until I could decide the best route to take?

I didn't get the chance to skip, or think through it. I didn't even get a chance to sleep on it.

It was almost dark when my mother walked to the back door, a bright smile in her features; something I had not seen in quite some time.

"Koyosei, you have a friend here to see you. They said you were a little tired today and forgot your books at school." My eyes lifted to her, my face burning. "Should I bring them out here? Or do you want to come in and greet them?"

"W-who is it?" I asked. I knew why she didn't lead with a name. It was so rare that anyone came to visit me, or that I gave out where we lived. She must have assumed I knew... She wasn't wrong, though a part of me hoped it was Natsumi instead, anyone but him...

Mom looked surprised, perhaps even a bit pleased. "It's a boy. I think he said his name is Shuichi?" I let out a deep sigh, shifting to sit more politely, my hands resting in my lap and smoothing out my skirt.

"Will you... let him out here?" I finally said. After all I didn't want her overhearing if I did choose to reveal to him what I now knew. She nodded, disappearing back into the house, and after a moment she lead him out, before once again smiling to me and going into the house.

He moved towards me, my books all neatly placed in a paper bag that he carried in one arm. "Sorry to drop in on you. I wasn't sure if you had homework and I didn't want you left without the means to complete it if so. I asked the councilor for your address to drop these off." He said, setting them down beside me before slipping his hands into his pockets, and glancing at the planters, his gaze shifting over the tiny budding flowers that filled them. "You ran off so quickly..."

My eyes lifted to him, before quickly shifting away. Without other students around, with no energy but his, mine, and my mothers it was so clearly him; Youko. The mask had been dropped. Of course he still looked like the same school boy, his hair was not suddenly silver, and he was not as tall, his shoulders not as broad, but it was him.

"Thank you..." I finally managed, but I knew if I didn't say more it was just as telling as if I said everything that was going through my mind. "For this, and for earlier too... for catching me. I am sorry I hurried off..."

He smiled, his features relaxing slightly. "It is alright. If I recall you have had trouble with that girl for a while. I can understand not wanting to stick around once a chance presents itself for you to get away."

"You knew about her bullying me?" His brows arched , and for a moment he was quiet, contemplating how to reply, before finally he spoke.

"A few weeks ago... it was you wasn't it? Her and the other girl, they were teasing you about your grades when I was on my way to my class..." I wasn't sure if I should have relaxed at him recalling the information, or if I should tense up even more. Thinking about it... that had happened the day after I told Youko about my troubles at school.

"Right...yes, that was me." I stood up, walking to one of the planters, reaching out to brush my fingers over the newly unfurled leaves of a creeping Ivy I had planted not long ago to cover the bottom soil and edges of the box. It was still young, but by the time it reached summer it would be a beautiful sight. The thought helped to calm me a bit, enough to turn and look to him.

My heart pounded in my chest, my stomach tensing as I went to speak. "Thank you for intervening back then. And for helping to Tutor me. Now that I am doing better in math I think I will be able to get my other grades up in no time. I don't think I will be needed you to tutor me any more... Youko."

His eyes grew wide, and I could tell his body grew stiff at the final words that left my lips. His eyes narrowed. "What did you call me?"

"You heard me correctly. Is that not an alias of yours?" I tried to sound confident as I spoke, but my voice shook, and my body felt like jelly. He was silent, his eyes closing as if in thought, and his muscles relaxed, his arms folding across his chest.

"How long have you known?"

"Not long. Only since earlier today..." He opened his eyes, pacing slightly.

"I see... and what do you plan to do with that information?"

"What do you think? Not like anyone would believe me even if I did say anything."

"True... I have done well to not associate my past self with who I am now so the likelihood of anyone thinking Shuichi Minamino is exceptional in any way beyond academically is unlikely. I knew it was likely just matter of time before you found me if I continued to be around you... However, I had hoped that with so many other students around it would keep you off my trail. I weighed the risk of you finding out and the likely response you may have after our nightly conversations, and again once I was asked to be your tutor. I would not have agreed to do so if I thought it was truly a risk to others finding out about my past."

I wanted to ask him so much... I wanted to know what he was, and why he was hiding out in a school. I wanted to know why he offered what he had in my last lucid dream... and why he backed out. My head was spinning with the sheer amount of questions that filled it. But the sting of being jilted was still stronger than any of it.

"Please leave." I finally said, my eyes narrow as the lifted to his, my brows furrowed. " You couldn't trust me, you couldn't be honest with me at all... you embarrassed me more than once... So please don't act friendly now. I will tell the councilor that studying with you is too distracting so you can keep your clean reputation..."

He was quiet for a moment, and I almost thought he would object, but instead he turned away. "Yes... I suppose that is for the best." His features were blank, almost somber before he shifted his face away from my view, and without another word he made his way to the back gate, slipping past it, into the front yard, and off towards the street. My heart sank slightly with each step he took. But I was not going to call out to him. I had made that mistake already in the dreams he invaded.


End file.
